Fat Girl Fantasies...

This weekend I am fulfilling every fat kids dream. Everyone one of my meals has already been planned for me, and I can't change any of them because they all have reservations.

Tonight, I will be celebrating my roomie's bday at

Where I will most likely get...

Grown up grilled cheese

Then, on Saturday, before the Derby party, I will join a group at

17 Frozen Sfuzzi's, a slice of 'ZA and a handful of Xanex Zantac

Then, after the party, when either my boyfriend's dad, a taxi or the cops pick me up, I will make my way to a fam din at...

Where I will most likely vomit then hop back on the saddle and order me something light, say...

Trece's Lobster Nachos

Hopefully my fat ass doesn't pass out or vomit at the table. Although last fam din I had there was vomiting, so Abby, thanks for setting the standard.

On Sunday, when I wake up wishing I was dead, I will have to put on a happy face, and probably a bra and some plus sized panties, and make my way to a mother's day brunch at the light and casual neighborhood joint known as...

Where I will get the same thing I always get...

Tuna Tartar, hold the mangos--mangos are for fatties (don't even say it..)

I will then go home, pass out, and try and pull myself out of bed and try and make it to my 3:30 class at

Where I will inevitably be the only one who reeks of vodka and they will prob assume I'm preggo b/c of my puffiness/largeness. F it, I'm not going.

THENNNNNNNNNNNNN
I will join a mother's day dinner at another low-cal spot,

Where I will most likely end my meal a little drunk and a lot heavier. And looking something like this...

For all you idiots, this is Fat Albert...